Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i drank out of a bidet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
