I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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