My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm bleeding and have questions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
