how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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