Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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