I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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