Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize