the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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