don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
