Barsexuality is the new black.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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