apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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