tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
