Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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