Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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