apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
