oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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