who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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