Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize