barbara walters just said penis...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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