So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
