i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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