no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
