I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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