If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was born a porn star she said
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
