How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
