These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
