after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
