i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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