Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
