I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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