I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
