you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
