i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
