He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
