It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
