R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
