I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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