dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
smell my finger.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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