You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
