I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
