hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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