You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
