I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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