Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize