He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
