The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
