The maid of honor just puked.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
