stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
