I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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