my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
