I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
