didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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