My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We have started to decorate penises.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
