i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
