I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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