He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
