I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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