I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
