I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize