We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Never joke about your clitoris.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
