that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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