he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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