when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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