So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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