i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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