I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
