I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
